Embassy Series

Two weeks ago I went to a dinner hosted by the Bahrain Embassy. (Small little country in the Middles East.) The Bahrain staff and ambassador were very friendly, talkative people. The food was SOOO delicious, but I ate so much that I didn't need to eat for several days.

I can't say that it was a lovely time. More like a very, very odd time.

First, as it usually does at these kind of functions, one man singled me out to fall madly in love with me and want to stay by my side the whole evening. (Does anybody remember that evening we spent with Britta at the Harvard Leadership Forum...?) And while you may be saying, "well, there you go, guy's do want to date you" let me say that these are not average people and they don't want to "date" me, they want to marry me two hours into the evening. That's a little fast for me.

Secondly, we were assigned seating. Six people to each round table. I had gone with one of my co-workers and his wife but we were not seated at the same table. And I'm not really the most social person amongst a lot of strangers, but I vowed to do my best.

The first person to come to the table was a middle-aged silky gray/blond hair guy. I introduced myself. He introduced himself. He was from Texas. I said, Oh, I've lived in Texas. What part? He wasn't really interested in trying to make a connection on that one. And we sat in silence. He, turning his back to me, to look around at the other people in the room, I drinking water to occupy myself. The rest of the six came at once. On my right was the Ambassador's secretary. She was very quiet and kept her eyes to the table the entire evening. To her right was a 60ish man from London who was an engineer of sorts, specializing in water-proofing plastics. To his right and directly across from me was a young Bahrain staff employee who just graduated from university studies in England, also in Engineering. Back to my left, was the man from Texas, who at one point said he worked in Defense, but at other points said he was a hedgefund manager. To his left was a man from Jersey. Very, Very much from Jersey. And the boss of the Britain man.

The conversation the entire evening was monopolized by the man from Texas, who I will from here on out call, "the jackass". He would ask someone a question, and then tell them their answer. He was the expert on England, Middle Eastern Customs, and water-proofing plastics. If other people tried to converse with one another he would interject himself with a smart-aleck comment.

Example: The young Bahrain man asked me what it was like to live in Boston. I say Boston is great! Before the conversation could continue, "the jackass" says "Unless you're going to drive through the tunnel." insert loud braying laugh here. oh so clever. you've heard of the Big Dig.

This went on about black pudding, football versus soccer versus rugby etc. And meanwhile, he his handing out his hedgefund business card left and right telling everyone how great his company has done and no one has been unhappy with their returns. And at one point he made a comment about "now that we let women drive and vote" and did a backhand slap across my shoulder.

The funniest part of this, is Jersey Man, sat quitely the entire night, just watching "the jackass" with a look of contempt on his face. I'm fairly certain he contacted one of his 'business partners' after dinner and put a hit out on him.

There are funnier things that happened that evening, but feel I must edit due to the people involved and the goodness and popularity of this series. But let me just say, there was some private operatic serenading and goading by two of the funniest old ladies who kept yelling out "c'mon baby! Sing us a song!"

It was an evening.

At the end of this long tale, I will say, the evening was another nail in the DC coffin. Not because it was weird. I liked that it was weird. But, because I came away from it knowing that I can find that kind of weird anywhere. No, not at an Embassy, but other functions. The Embassy part of it held no glamour or pull for me. Just one more realization that DC is not the place for me.