Service

There are a lot of different careers that I would love to have: professional classical musician, writer, veterinarian, Las Vegas show girl (I know, but it's true. It's the feathery costumes), landscape designer, tennis player (I have a better chance at being a show girl), movie director, spy, soccer mom.

I've also considered more service oriented jobs: FEMA, red cross, etc. If I were a man, or Episcopalian, I would also consider being a chaplain in the Armed services (In order to be a chaplain you have to be able to perform the ordinances of your own religion.) I did spend a short time helping out in a Christian shelter in Boston where I helped read the Holy Bible and sat in prayer and mediation with those who asked for the help. And I've been involved in orchestrating quite a few other service projects through the years. (Mt. Vernon nursing home anyone? Or the Sunday clean-ups at the duck pond in Malden?) Generally speaking, I have many short comings, but I have a great love for God and all that he has created and enjoy being a serviceable person.

Unless of course that is in an official capacity. I'm not sure that I have any readers who are not LDS or don't know anything about the religion, but I'll briefly explain: Ours is a lay church which means it is of the people, for the people, by the people. Oh wait, that might be the Gettysburg address...but it's kind of the same thing. We all take part in doing our part. Except me.

I can't hold it together when I'm given an official calling (responsibility). A psychoanalysis of all the many reasons why would be longer than a blog post should ever be, so we'll just leave it there. I can sign up to clean up the building, I can volunteer to watch someone's children in an emergency, I can give a talk, I can sub a class, I can visit the sick, the elderly, the poor, but the minute I am given any of these tasks to do on a regular basis I am filled with dread, resentment, panic, fear, anger. Pretty much all the feelings that the are opposite to being filled with the love of Christ.

There have been many leaders who think I'm an evil person because I don't *want* a calling, that I am not *willing* to serve. A diabetic doesn't fast, a cripple isn't assigned to be the janitor. There are many people that have mortal things that prevent them from doing all that they want to do. An official calling is one of those things for me.

But I think me and God are good. He created me and He gets me. I don't know that I care too much if anyone else does. Even if I do get the stink eye from church leaders from time to time.