babysitting British style

I inadvertently got roped into babysitting this weekend. And by roped in, I mean, these kids kind of appear and the adults who are supposed to be taking care of them aren't around. 10:30 p.m. and I walked past the living room to see two kids still up, in their day clothes, eating jelly-beans and watching Sponge Bob. I'm not an experienced parent, but even I know that's probably not ideal. I get them changed into p.j.'s and then have to figure out if a five year old needs helping brushing his teeth.

The funniest part of the weekend is trying to have a conversation with the two kids. I don't speak British English and they don't speak American English. Adults can figure out what the other person means, but a 5-year old doesn't have the skill to work out context. These were my favorite conversations:

Me to the child who is being too rough with one of the cats: "be nice to the red cat."
Child: "What's a red cat?"
Me pointing to the red fur cat
Child: "The ginger cat?"
Me: "Yes, the red cat."
Child: "What do you call red things?"
Me: "red"

Child watching Sponge Bob: "What does zero dollars mean?"
Me: "you have no money."
Child: "What is a dollar."
6 year old child who is smarter than me: "it's like zero pounds."
Me to myself: "Oh, that's what he didn't understand..."

Me to child: "C'mon, let's put on your pants."
Child, looking down at his Cars underoos. "I have pants on."
Me holding up his jeans. "Put these on. We call these pants in America."

Me: "What time is your Mom coming back?"
5 year old looking quizzically at me and then at 6 year old
6 year old: "You mum."
Really, does Mom and Mum sound that different to a 5 year old?

Child wanting to play: "I'm the king of the castle, you're a dirty rascal"
Me trying to explain that we don't have kings or castles in America

Then there were the conversations that maybe parents get tired of, but makes me really want kids, and those were about not putting rocks in the back pack with the clothes, eating pears for lunch even if you don't like pears because pears are all we have, tickling and pillow fights are fun and we can play as long as we have a little control, yes it's annoying that the 5 year old wants to follow you around, but its also very sweet and if he took your favorite rock either find a new favorite rock or ask him if you can have it back, and general rambunctiousness.